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Consciousness Awesomeness with Molly McCord


5 Attributes of Conscious Uncoupling

Posted on March 27, 2014 at 1:05 PM

A "new" concept hit the mainstream this week due to Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announcing the end of their marriage - conscious uncoupling. Perhaps you’ve heard the rumblings?

It’s exciting to see this concept get people talking because it is actually a Trojan Horse term that signifies a soul growth relationship! In spiritual circles, we’ve been talking about these relationship changes for years and now an example hits mass consciousness. How perfect!

Let’s break it down:

Conscious:  Awareness. Inquiry. Looking for meaning. Reflection.

Uncoupling: Separation. Un-marrying. Parting. Ciao, baby.

Put together, the concept signifies an awareness that a partnership has been a blessing to each person’s growth, development, and healing, and now there is a conscious choice by each individual to follow their best growth trajectory.  The relationship is no longer supportive of what an individual needs, or who they are now, or what is best for them at this point in their life. Conscious uncoupling brings in gratitude for the relationship, the lessons learned, the healing opportunities, and the time shared together.

When we make relationship choices from a conscious perspective, we have the potential to eliminate a lot of emotional energy. Instead of focusing on blame, resentment, anger, hurt, or pain, there is a detached understanding that this partnership has ran its course (for whatever reasons). You turn inward instead of project outward.

An intention for soul growth cannot always be fulfilled in a single marriage or one long-term relationship. And are you beating yourself up to make it work, stick it out, or struggle to keep it together? Social, religious, and cultural programming has supported couples staying together for centuries, but as we collectively expand our consciousness and connect to soul growth lessons, there is deeper inquiry into the best choices that can be made for each person’s life purpose.

But we mustn’t idealize these situations completely, or the individuals involved, because humans are complicated. We have layers of energies and trigger zones. We enter partnerships, especially legally binding ones, with a lot of expectations and dreams. To use the term “conscious uncoupling” does not mean everything is peaceful and great and emotion-free between two people. There may be huge disappointment, sadness, or feelings of loss around the change, and the most healthy situations allow for a mourning process.

Conscious uncoupling means there is a personal awareness by both parties that we are making this choice together to go our separate ways, but there will still be tough decisions to make, rough spots to navigate, and potential discord. Again, humans are complicated. We’re figuring out relationships with others as opportunities to figure out relationships with our Self more. It’s a life-long pursuit.


5 Attributes of Conscious Uncoupling:

Personal Responsibility: Full ownership of one’s lessons, healing, and growth opportunities in the partnership.

Less Emotional Warfare: Doing inner work to understand personal emotional patterns and trigger zones without projecting blame, pain, anger, or hurt onto the partner.

Self-Reflection: What did I learn in this relationship? What do I need to change in myself going forward? How did this relationship help me grow?

A Focus on Mutual Respect: Allowing each partner to choose what is best for them with respect and love.

Acceptance: Removing expectations and attachments of “what might have been” and instead focusing on peace for the reality of who each person is, what they need, and/or the choices that are best for them.


Spiritually speaking, there are deeper soul meanings to conscious uncoupling. We form partnerships for any number of soul reasons – karma, soul agreements, soul contracts, healing, etc. – and when the soul reason is fulfilled, both individuals have the choice to move on to their next level of soul growth.

Karma is complete. Soul lessons are learned. A new level of personal awareness is mastered. A soul agreement is fulfilled. Personal wounds are healed. Greater self-knowingness is determined.

[I dive deeper into soul growth relationships in The Modern Heroine’s Journey of Consciousness.]

In the highest sense, conscious uncoupling is an awareness of how partnerships are a reflection of Self, and when the Self grows and evolves in significant ways, key relationships must stay up to speed with this growth in order to be sustainable and healthy. If the relationship does not grow, a number of qualities may pop up to grab one’s attention, ranging from discomfort and dissatisfaction to escapism through betrayal, addictions, or blame. A conscious individual will turn inward for answers with responsibility, acceptance, and a focus on Love.

From the soul perspective, relationship changes can signify a celebration of growth and mastery. There is appreciation for the partner soul who supported healing. There is an acknowledgement of Self for the courage and self-respect to move forward. There is a connection to greater Love within one's being and an opportunity to bring that new awareness forward into the next relationship.

There is nothing truly lost among relationship changes.

Only more Love to gain as a new journey begins.

I share more about this topic in a special bonus show this week! Listen here or download on iTunes.

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Categories: Conscious Messages , Personal Musings

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